Hell is For Kakashi
by Melissa Norvell
Summary: ONE SHOT. Inari lost his father at a young age, and when Kakashi hears the story of his past, he reflects on his own.


**A/N: Writing with a whim. I watched the dubbed episode of Naruto a while ago and decided to work off of an inspiration while doing it.**

**Well, hope you all like it.**

**Title: Hell is For Kakashi**

**Author: Oneesan no Miroku Houshi**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Pairings: None**

**Warnings: Subject matter deals with suicide, angst, depressed thoughts. SPOILERS for Kakashi's past, Kakashi P.O.V.**

**Summary: ONE SHOT. Inari lost his father at a young age, and when Kakashi hears the story of his past, he reflects on his own.**

**Hell is For Kakashi**

**By: Oneesan no Miroku Houshi**

Sitting at the table, I watch the small child known as Inari run from the room, seeming distressed and almost as if he were going to cry. The rest of the squad watched as well.

His mother, Tsunami, following suit as I sit back and ponder to myself on one simple question: When did I stop crying? I barely remember. It had been so long ago.

A flash of a silver haired man runs through my mind, as the commotion commences around me. I hear voices, but know they do not concern me.

'_Father! I told you time and time again not to mention that in front of my son!'_

Some things do not need to be mentioned in order to make a permanent impression upon one's heart. Whatever happened to his father must hurt him.

I finally speak up. "It seems there is a story behind this…"

Why do I have the sudden feeling that I'll be eating those words?

'_Inari was such a happy, laughing child back then…'_

I gather it that he was close to this man who assumed position as his biological father. He reminds me of a boy I used to know…

A boy who used to be happy and laugh when present with his father. Someone who used to love and cherish his father.

That boy was me…

My father was everything to me: idol, friend and confidant. Around him, I felt happy. Come to think of it, it could even have been the last time I felt true happiness. Now, I often wonder what it is to be happy.

I suppose I had forgotten what it was like to feel joy. What it was like to laugh so hard my stomach hurt. To smile a real smile.

Things were so different back then.

Now I just live in utter hell. In guilt for what I had done and the foolish mistakes I had made in the past. Guilt erodes my mind like a toxic substance, killing off any shred of happiness and hope that I could ever wish to have.

I distance myself from others, because I feel that if I stay with them too long, I mark their time of death. Anyone who comes too close to me is subject of the terrible omen of death that surrounds me like a bad aura.

I deprive myself of my own happiness and destroy the paradise in which I myself have created.

In turn, I kill myself emotionally.

'_It's called masochism, Naruto!' _I hear Sakura's voice reverberate through my mind, after Naruto had taken his Oath of Pain. Am I really that much of a masochist?

…

Given my recent thoughts, I suppose I am. I am only doing it to save lives. Given my mistakes in the past, I do not deem myself worthy in having any associates or friends. Any matter is strictly acquaintances.

That's all it's capable of ever being.

I turn my head and notice that Tazuna is weeping. His sniffles brought me out of my haze of thoughts. The old man begins to explain that Inari had lost all meaning of the word **courage.**

I question him on what could have happened to change Inari so much.

An image flashes through my head of a little silver haired boy and his father, walking happily hand-in-hand. The young boy is smiling brilliantly at his father.

I hear the story in bits and pieces between thoughts. Inari's father was a hero…much like my own. I feel a prang in my heart, as if someone had re-sliced one of my old wounds and allowed the blood to pour out into my body.

White Fang is etched in the muscle tissue of my heart, and there isn't a fleeting moment in the repititionous beat that I don't loose blood from that wound. Come to think of it, now a days, I wonder how I get any blood through my body. There are so many old wounds of the heart.

It should have stopped beating long ago.

'_Gato had Kaiza put to death…'_

I know how Inari must have felt, to deal with his father's death. Perhaps that was one of the first things I can remember that killed me emotionally.

My father's suicide.

'_You promised to protect me! You're a liar!'_

'_Liar.'_

'_Liar.'_

I know how he must feel, to have his fragile innocent stripped from him. I don't blame him for not believing in courage anymore…When you loose someone who is important to you, all you have to look forward to is a world of hell.

They say emotional pain is the worst.

It could not have been a truer statement.

The only path for this Shinobi is the path to hell, because hell is for Hatake Kakashi.

**THE END**

**A/N: Wow, I don't know where that came from…I must have been really depressed. blinks I just now noticed how angsty that all sounded. Guess I'm depressed today. This was written in like 7 minutes.**

**Please enjoy!**


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